What is the 4th of July equivalent of bah-humbug? The Independence Day Party Poopers at the Missoula Current are raining on a parade that’s already been canceled due to coronavirus by urging residents to snitch on people using fireworks on the 4th of July. Nothing says “freedom” like a stern reminder that the nanny-state doesn’t allow the wafting smell of black powder in the air.
In an article entitled An Independence Day Reminder: Fireworks Illegal in Missoula, the newspaper waved their wagging, kill-joy finger in the face of fun-loving patriots who might think about shooting a
Roman Candle or bottle-rocket (nevermind, those are already banned statewide) spleen splitter, whisker biscuit, honkey lighter, hoosker doo, hoosker don’ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daiser (with or without the scooter stick), or one single whistlin’ kitty chaser. In short, Missoula residents are not allowed to shoot fireworks within the city limits.
The article reads, “First-time violators receive a $100 fine plus court costs, and repeat violators within the calendar year receive a $300 fine. Exceptions to the fireworks ordinance include ‘novelty’ fireworks such as sparklers, poppers, and toy smoke devices.”
A simple reminder as to the draconian policy of the People’s Republic of Missoula might be called for, if for no other reason, to keep citizens out of hot water.
But then, the newspaper took a dark turn.
It ended the article with, “People with fireworks complaints are encouraged to call [phone number]…”
Is it really necessary for Montana’s liberal press, the unofficial 4th branch of Big Sky government, to provide the phone numbers to fireworks snitching hotlines?
Certainly, nothing says “Independence Day” quite like residents being warned to not dare shoot a firecracker against city ordinances. Perhaps nothing is more patriotic than ignoring that government overreach by setting off a ladyfinger, buzz bottle, snicker bomb, church burner, finger blaster, or gut buster in the spirit of civil disobedience.