Rep. Dunwell Comes Out of Her Hole, Predicts 6 More Weeks of COVID Season


[Montana Murder Hornet] Since 1887, a groundhog in Pennsylvania named Punxsutawney Phil has emerged from his hole, with onlookers waiting to see whether he sees his shadow and returns to his hole, predicting six more weeks of winter or if he doesn’t see his shadow and predicts an early spring. In actuality, the groundhog’s accuracy is somewhere around 38% but those in the groundhog’s “inner circle” claim it is 100%, with the newspapers merely reporting it wrong.

Essentially, it’s a well-established insider’s joke in a sleepy Pennsylvania Community that, for some reason or another, the rest of the country finds adorable.

But not to be outdone by Punxsutawney Phil, Darth Dunwell (D-HD84) has emerged from her COVID-19 hole that she’s been hibernating in since the 2021 legislative session began on January 4. Enthusiastic Dunnwell watchers have been eagerly anticipating her emergence from COVID safe-space underground and her journey into the Montana legislature, where she was elected to conduct work.

This week, Dunwell emerged and was seen on the House floor, the first of many tell-tale signs that maybe the COVID-19 panic will all be over soon enough.

It was hard to determine from the ambient lighting on the House Floor if Dunwell cast a shadow, leading some to wonder if the most terrified woman of COVID-19 in North America might not be the best predictor for the length of the Great Coronavirius Panic of 2020-2021.

However, Dunwell enthusiasts happened to notice that the representative was violating the orders of the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which require two masks. And not only was Dunwell missing her second mask, she was also missing her characteristic spit-shield (pictured below).

While being sans-spittle-mask and appearing with only one of the masks demanded by the CDC, one would think Dunwell’s exit from her safe space would bode well for how long the duration of COVID panic season might continue.

But unfortunately, when approaching the capitiol, onlookers noticed that Dunwell did, indeed, cast a shadow upon the ground. So unfortunately, six more weeks of mask nonsense must continue for state Democrats who will continue to mask up regardless of the inefficiacy of masks, the rather harmless consequences of COVID-19, or a modicum of common sense.

[Editor’s Note: This article was first published by Montana Murder Hornet, and is largely satire, other than that Dunwell indeed came out of hiding for the first time and without her characteristic face shield]


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